Pride of Lamond

The sun was beginning to rise above the clouds on the horizon as Skipper Bruce, First Mate Glen, Deckhand Chris and Cabin Boy Matt boarded The Pride of Lamond, their newly purchased but slightly decrepit second-hand trawler, painted lilac by Glen after he had won a game of perudo intended to decide who would choose the colour of the vessel.  Skipper Bruce was uncertain about including Glen on his crew, his choice of colour and inability to eat man-sized portions at dinner made him doubt his real gender, but he liked action films, so he must be OK.  Or so reasoned Skipper Bruce.

Today was to be the first time The Pride of Lamond left port for her first fishing expedition.  Most of the holes in the second-hand nets had been fixed by Deckhand Chris' mum and were stored and ready for use, the floors had been swept and the wheel house cleaned by Deckhand Chris himself and the crew stood on deck as Harbour Master Gamble approached the ship.

"Hello there, boys," he said.  "Are you all alright?"

"Aye," replied Skipper Bruce.

"Ready for the maiden voyage?"

"Aye."

"Well," said Harbour Master Gamble, handing a clipboard to Skipper Bruce, "could I ask you, if you don't mind, I mean, please don't feel offended that I ask you this, it's just procedure really, but it would be really helpful if you could, but don't go out of your way, to sign this.  It's just that I can't let you leave if you don't."

"Aye," replied Bruce, taking the proffered biro, writing his vessel's name under the relevant column and signing his name after it.

"That's wonderful," said Harbour Master Gamble, taking back the clipboard.  "Yes, that's grand.  What are you hoping to catch today?"

"Fash," replied Skipper Bruce.

"Oh right, that's very interesting, yes, of course fish would be a very wise thing to catch with a fishing boat, very useful, you know.  There's a lot of demand for fish at the moment."

"Aye."

"Right, well, I'll let you boys go then.  Have a good trip."

"Thanks," replied Skipper Bruce before turning to his crew of three lined up on deck.  "Right, lads," he said to them.  "Shall we go and catch some fash?"

"Yes, Skipper," barked the crew.

"Right," said Skipper Bruce, placing a pair of sunglasses with built in headphones over his eyes, "let's lock and load."

The crew burst into action.  Deckhand Chris removed the ropes which tethered the trawler to the quayside, First Mate Glen descended to the engine room, Cabin Boy Matt put the kettle on and Skipper Bruce took hold of the wheel and fired up the engine.

But nothing happened.

He turned the key again and again, but the Pride of Lamond merely creaked in the breeze.  

"Oh no," moaned Skipper Bruce.  This was not a good start to his career as a trawlerman.

"What's up, Skipper?" asked First Mate Glen.  "Let's go!"

"We can't, the engine won't start."

"Oh," said Deckhand Chris as he entered, "I wonder why that is.  Let me get my tool box."

Deckhand Chris worked away in the engine room until the sun had risen above the horizon and the other fishing boats had left the port, chuckling at the Pride of Lamond's misfortune.  Meanwhile, Skipper Bruce and the rest of his crew sat on deck playing Risk.

"What are you boys still doing here?" Came the voice of Harbour Master Gamble, still carrying his clipboard as he approached the quayside.  "I thought you were supposed to have left hours ago."

"We were, " explained First Mate Glen, "but we can't get the engine to start.  Chris is down there now trying to get it fixed."

"Oh, I know why that is," replied Harbour Master Gamble.  "I took the liberty of replacing your diesel engine with solar panels.  Diesel's very bad for the environment, you know, burns a lot of fossil fuels, makes a lot of smoke.  Solar power's much greener, so it is."

"But we need to leave before the sun rises," said Skipper Bruce, clearly trying to remain calm when faced with losing a days fishing because of the global warming myth.  

"Oh really?  Yes, well, I could see how that could be a problem.  Solar panels need sun, so I guess you would have to wait."

"But we need to leave before light."

"Yes, well, you could always wait until the sun's risen before you leave, then you can make sure you have a good eight hours sleep as well."

"But we need to leave early to get the fash," replied Skipper Bruce in frustration.

"Ah, right, I see, yes.  I could replace the solar panels with a wind turbine, that would, I think, give you the power you need, and there's always wind at sea, though not always in port.  You'd have to leave only on windy days."

"But we need to leave in all weather."

"Ah, right, well, yes, that would be a problem."

"Look," interupted First Mate Glen, "why don't you put the diesel engine back in?"

"Yes, "replied Harbour Master Gamble, "that would seem the best option.  Then you'd be able to leave whenever you liked, so you would.  Yes, I'll do that then."

Thus Skipper Bruce, First Mate Glen, Deckhand Chris and Cabin Boy Matt left the Pride of Lamond without having set sail.